No bye for you

 Pari is leaving for US on 20^th March 2010! All pandus are happy for him, as it is his much-awaited wish… He is everything in the gang.. The Don, we tease him behind his back! (Sorry Mottu and Budhu, to reveal the secret nickname)  We love him for his concern even on trivial matters, we love him for his short temper, we love him for his sulking for not calling him or visiting his place, we love him for his teasing Pandu, we love him to be the emotional, technical and financial support and we love him for being the best friend of us- The most understanding, loving and caring pandu.

You might have noticed my pulling his legs in my previous posts. That was only one side of the coin because I never had a chance to get to know him more and my writings are always influenced by other pandus. I wish if they could leave a comment on it. Before writing this post I received a call from him. We talked for a while. He sounded low and told me that he did not want this opportunity so soon or at least not for a long term.

Dear Pari,

None of the Pandus including Pandu, Budhu, Mottu, and your dearest friend Mullu are not so excited leaving you for a long term. It may sound weird but true that they choke back their tears when they talk and hide the “No” to you behind a smile. They are going to miss their best friend and I am going to miss my Hookah mate. We love you and never want to say a bye!

The mutka hunt

My Hindi is pathetic! Most of the time I become a laughing stock for my friends with my South Indian "embedded" Hindi. The language is a real challenge for me in its gender differentiation, similar sounding words and authentic pronunciation of alphabet. I decided to speak only in English or Malayalam, which is better for others and me as well. So I can avoid taking the risk of being a stupid. But that decision made me even more stupefied just because of one big time stupid, who thinks herself as an encyclopedia.
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“It’s matka, Pandu not matki”, I told. “Piggy, it is matki. In Goa also we call it matki” She replied. Pandu and I were on the way to buy an earthen pot to store drinking water. Somebody told us storing water in earthen pot would keep the water fresh and cool.
 “But Teddy told me it’s called matka in Hindi. Or we can just ask them ‘pot’”, I said. “Your English won’t work here! It’s the place of Marathi manus. Forget Marathi, learn Hindi atleast”, Pandu made her face. I kept quiet thinking that I am walking with the greatest scholar on earth.
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We reached the great street of Kasturi and looked around. No idea where we get the “matki”. “This is the problem if we depend on boys too much, we won’t be able to do anything alone” Pandu said. “Not we but you” I struck back.   
“C’mon, we shall ask her”, Pandu pointed to one female who was selling subzi on the footpath. We went to her and Pandu asked her “Maushi, Matki kuthe melel?” She pointed to another lady who was sitting next to her. We reached the second female and repeated the same question. She asked us “Pav or aada?” We were puzzled at her reply. She started packing 250gms of sprouted pulses without even looking at us. “Nahin.. yeh wala matki nahin, pani wala matki, maushi” Pandu drew an imaginary pot in the air. This time the lady got a blow. I interrupted “maushi, pani rakhne ke liye matka”. “ho ho matka..aap matka dekh rahe hein kya?? Aapko sambhaji chowk tak jaana padegi, yahan se nahin milegi”. I goggled at Pandu. “Ok. Ok. They call it “matka” here. Come, Let’s catch an auto” Pandu turned her back to me.
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Evening is beautiful at our place but not the people. These late hours make many of them eccentric. And our auto driver was not so different. He is the ugliest creature on earth we have ever seen. He stared us fiercely for our intruding to his international summit with his friends. A red colour fountain gushed from his mouth and splashed on the road; a few drop spilt on my feet as well. I stepped back in disgust. Pandu and he spoke in Marathi and she signaled me to get in the auto. I asked how much is the fare. “It’s only 50 that’s fine” She replied. I got a shock “He asked Rs. 50 to drop us to the next junction which is not even worth 20 and you agreed?” “Then what? Are you going to bargain with him?”  I pushed her aside and asked him the charge again in my broken Hindi (I would have killed her had she laughed at me that time). He said “Pannas, Madam, nahin to aap dusara ghadi dekhiye” “No bhayya nahin pannas… we shall.. oopps hum denge pachees rupees” I managed. He “no no madam no tentypife.. pifty”. My patience has gone now “Pandu, let’s go by walk. The place is very near I know”. Pandu opened her mouth “Elephanto it’s too late to take the risk. Two girls.. at this time…to that area… no chance..If Pari comes to know this, he will kill me. Pls let’s go by auto, I will pay”. I whispered “Shut up idiot, let’s see if he reduces the charge. We are no way going by walk”.
The auto driver cleared his voice and said “Theek hai Madam, tees rupees!! chalega?”  We both suspected his sudden change. But felt all right thinking that the place is not so far from Kasturi. “Ok” we said and got in.
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“My foot! Why the hell he allowed his friend also to get in? Something is fishy Elephanto?” “Don’t worry, it’s an auto not aeroplane” I consoled her and myself. The auto was going at a snail’s pace and worse than that the auto driver and his soul mate were sitting together and chatting about the war between he and his brother in law.  “Oh my god, when we will reach?” I was irritated. “Pandu, ask him to go a little fast”. “Bhayya thoda jaldi jaoge kya?” She asked. “haan haan madam” he chewed his tobacco and made a weird smile. He raised his accelerator. But the auto did not seem taking the speed. He again got to into the sasu- bahu discussion with his comrade. After 5 minutes his friend got down and we both sighed in relief thinking that he will drive fast. He took a left turn and Pandu noticed maktas kept on roadside. We asked him to stop and got down.
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The best part of the story is the bargaining between matka seller and auto driver. The villain turned out to be an angel. He got us the matka that too with a tap for Rs 60/-, instead of its market price of Rs. 90/-
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Well, the next adventure was on the way back. Actually, we did not expect him to wait for us but he did. He was praising himself for getting us the matka at a cheap rate. He was happier that he got two preys for the time being. He got into a conversation with Pandu. (It was originally in Marathi) 
He: To live in Pune, you should learn Marathi, I am basically from Kolhapur and now it has been 10 years in Pune
We: hmm
He: But you know I have property in Kolhapur. Everybody from my family and neighborhood sold out their land. All are stupids only
Pandu: Why?
He: You must know there is an airport coming in Kolhapur. I don’t want to sell my property. If the govt wants to make airport, let them go and find some other place.
Pandu: yeah yeah
He: They really don’t know who I am. They cannot make any airport in Kolhapur without my property. It’s in the center only
We looked at each other.
He: (To Pandu) It’s good you know Marathi. Where are you from?
Pandu: Kolhapur
He: Ho Ho I expected. I knew it from the beginning you are a Marathi. What about this girl?
I: I am from Kashmir
He made a dirty face
He: Hmm that’s why you don’t know Marathi. You all Northis come here and don’t even bother to learn the language. (To Pandu) I understood she is not from Maharashtra from her appearance.(as if i look like a Kashmiri huh!)
We reached Kasturi.
I looked at Pandu. She was fed up with the Marathi lecture. First time I saw her tired of a conversation. Usually she gets other people tired.  We got down. He said, “I can drop you gals home”. Pandu screamed “Noooooooooooo….thanks.. we shall go by walk. It’s alright.. Good night”. I gave Rs. 30/- to him but he took only Rs. 25/- “Jai Maharashtra” he proudly said to Pandu. She tried to smile.  
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We were on the way home with the new matka. Pandu was silent and her face resembled the matka in my hands. I asked her “How do you feel?”. She retorted “About what?” I giggled. She asked me again “What?” I replied, “This is exactly how other people feel when you talk absolute crap”

A watery decision!!

Summer is around the corner! It reminds me of our last summer that was even worse. The sun was making tanduri out of Pune and did not spare we pandus also. We were struggling with the deliberate draught in Dadi castle. Finding drinking water was always a problem. If we ever drank boiled water made by Dadi, we had to listen her whining even after we peed it. The main reason was that she had to burn so much of LPG to boil it and that was not supposed for us devils. And if we go to Food Aunt’s place there you get filtered water and don’t think that filter machine is Aquaguard or something. Some local brand which uncle bought and brought after a long stand bargain. (Aunt bragged about it long back).   May be I was too idiotic to opt both the options. My ego, my necessity and my thirst led me to search for the so-called bisleri cans of 20 litres. And finally I got it from Gabbar Chotu for Rs. 65/-. All pandus were happy and made me Jhansi rani. And little I knew that I would soon become Joan of Arc. They put me on a stake and burnt me alive with the demands of cold water, small water container, attached tap, unbreakable glass, place to keep and a permanent slave who can carry the can from downstairs and wash the glass.  

I put forward the solutions; luckily all my idiot pandus agreed it. Nobody had any problem with payment. We decided to pay for the water on turn. “A pot” which is cheap and small with a tap that provides cold water was acceptable to all of them. I pointed to a tall stool as a place to keep. They agreed but Babes made a comment “ha ha Dadi will soon find some use of it if she comes to know that we are taking it” (That was true. Dadi came running and took that to downstairs).  A permanent slave ready to wash the pot and glass and carry the can from down to up without any complaints was ofcourse me! “Hurray!!” They all screamed.


 

Ocean’s 13

All oceans are beautiful, attractive and tranquilizing including our, Mr. Ocean*, if not, how can he be the Casanova of 2010, receiving 13 roses from stunning beauties* of his new office? The fact is some of the other pandus even turned green including me. 
My first encounter with this Ocean was at Adlabs, Chinchwad, when we all pandus gathered for another disastrous movie on earth- Indiana Jones and his stupid skull.  Except meeting another pandu, nothing resourceful happened that day.
Next time I met him under the Nigdi Flyover on his 150 cc Apache. It needs special mention as the story goes with the bike. I sat with Mottu though Apache’s 150 cc attracted me. I did not find it so affable to jump on it as Pandu did because I was not so familiar with the guy who riding it. Oh oh, I forgot to tell you. We were heading to Duke Point, a pleasure trip (In reality, no other plans worked out). On the way I just asked Mottu “Can we go a little fast?” He replied jovially “Yeah sure but only for five minutes”. He suddenly sped and overtook Ocean’s bike. He turned and poked Pandu. In a fraction of a second Apache with Ocean and Pandu covered us. Pandu gave a tit for tat to Mottu screaming, “Iam on APACHE 150 CC and see who is riding it. Don’t even dream of a race with your outdated Passion”. Mottu started laughing that shook the Passion and me alike. I elbowed him saying “Shameless”. “Elephanto, this is what I told you the fun is only for five minutes”, Mottu said chuckleheaded. 
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That was nice, by the time we are back, I was somewhat acquainted with Ocean (ofcourse i wanted a ride on Apache). Well, Ocean asked me “Are you okay, if I ride a little fast?” “Oh yeah sure” I said excitedly. And we vrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmed to Tony da Dabba.
He was not talking to me much except the instant answers to whatever I asked. He left no room for further conversation. Then I thought he might not like talking when he rides. I also zipped my mouth and sat on the bike as if I swallowed a stick. I could not believe myself!!  
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As i said earlier oceans are calm and quiet on their surface and no one knows what is going on under the waters!! That’s what happened with this Ocean also. The next day evening Pandu arrived from office. Without any hi or bye she directly asked me “you didn’t like Ocean?” I exclaimed “Huh? Why should I like him? He is not an MBA”. “Not that idiot. He told me that you didn’t talk to him on the way to Tony Dabba” she paused. “I will kick him if he comes in front of me” I screamed.  She said, “What?” I explained, “I thought he doesn’t like my chirping because he was quite all the way. Shit man!! If I knew he is ok with my talking I would have killed him”. “Good you didn’t know. Poor thing!” She sympathized.  “Yeah I know I’m a poor girl,” I said. “Not you idiot, I am talking about him” she turned her back on me.  
So that’s what Ocean is! Without any reason* he can get sympathy, love, care and even 13 roses!! Bloody Casanova!
 
P.S. Ocean is a highly self-motivated person and a strong believer* of Hakuna Matata . He had imparted some of his inspiring thoughts to me also in our second meeting. Many of the pandus experienced the same and are ‘severely’ enlightened. 
(*Exaggeration in stories should be excused)

The Pandu Amphitheatre

We always believe in run-time planning because if we do any pre- planning, for sure, that will never work out. We sit together and anyone of us says a plan and if the plan gets a majority approval, we just put it off and it remains as a never happening plan. For example, Goa trip, Mumbai trip and Lavassa trip. But if someone says a plan and none of us agree, that’s the plan for the day, we all go for it. For example, go and have a tea at Lonavala, watch movies like Indra-the tiger, Deshdrohi, One-man army, Agyat, Gauri and so on.  You must wonder how anyone can watch such tortures. But yeah!! Nothing is impossible for Pandus.

Watching South Indian ventures in multiplex may burn our pockets so we conveniently watch them at Pari’s amphitheatre. The amphitheatre is as cosy as the Colosseum in Rome under the roof of Pari’s flat with Pari’s own laptop, speakers, bed and pillows as lounges, his money to buy Coke and Lays, power supply and his hospitality as host, waiter and chaser. Are you thinking of why he is a chaser? Of course yaar!! There is a limit for all nonsense. He always shoos us away with a warning “Don’t you guys ever come again to my place if you have any intentions of watching bakwaas movies”. We all listen to him without any change in expression and after he leaves we rewind the scene, which we missed out while he was shouting. On top of it, we even find another set of third grade movies for next weekend via Pari’s own Internet.  

Pari’s temper is legendary, so are Naru’s wits. It’s sure as hell that Naru will pass some comment every time on Pari’s reprimands but only behind his back. We all giggle but Mottu laughs out loud and will be soon crucified by Pari’s intent look. That’s for us including Pari to have another round of laughter!

The Incredible (Pandu) Hulk

He is incredible, ofcourse he is a pandu and a bit of Hulk in size, oooooops sorry built! I am talking about our Mottu pandu. I met him for the first time at Gold Adlabs in Chinchwad, the very hangout place for Pandulog.  Pandu introduced him to me as a colleague turned friend.

Then I met him after a long time on Christmas Eve last year. He hasn’t changed a bit man! He opened his chatterbox that he closed only after he dropped us home. He is an easy- go-lucky guy in nature, a cool headed man. I have never seen him irritated or angry for any reason (though we all pandus try our level best). He has a got a smile stuck to his face since the day he was born.
Nature is his weakness and no one can predict when he gets his ‘nature’s call’! (Not the one you think). He is an engineer by default- the decision he made against his inner call of being a wild life photographer (Pls don’t think it as an influence of our dear movie 3idiots). However, his hidden talents come out at times and we all are victims of it.

Mottu’s compatibility with other Pandus 

Mottu Vs. Pari
It’s strange to find the chemistry between Pari and Mottu in their extremities. None of them take any decision without the other one’s approval and all the decisions are made after rigmarole of arguments. And at the end, you will find both of them talking for the same cause but in different ways.






Mottu Vs. Pandu
Amazing! He agrees with Pandu for anything and everything, even if she talks utter nonsense. Pandu is the main reason for the fight between Mottu and Pari, because Mottu always takes her side even if she does something absurd. Such a smartoo she is! She stays aside and enjoys the fight between them. But she is a hardcore fan of Mottu when it comes to his knowledge in finance and technology.


Mottu Vs. Budhu
They are the mottus in our group. Ofcourse they have a very good compatibility not only in looks but also to pull Pandu’s legs. He loves to laugh out loud and Budhu is the one who always encourage him. She says, “Only those who are good in heart can laugh so plainly”. 


Mottu Vs Naru
Needless to say Naru is neutral. He can get along with anyone and no exception for Mottu. Both of them are mild and fun loving. Naru is the one who cracks witty jokes with no change in expression and Mottu is the one who catches it almost immediately and makes it public with his nonstop laugh. They are even ready to go under knife to change "something" which can put them into 377 Section of IPC


Mottu Vs. Elephanto
Aah…. We are the best on bike…. We love to sing old Hindi songs all the way (which really irritates Pari). I always appreciate his love for nature. That’s why once we stopped and stooped (i.e. his style..now dont ask what is he actually capturing) in the middle of the road to capture buffalos in his digicam, that ultimately made Pari to drive all the way back to find us.  

I can’t explain more than this, as it is difficult to brief his personality in mere words. Other pandus might perhaps like to add some comment on it.

Two‘cat’astrophes

 “Yuck!! What’s that stench?” None of the pandus bothered to answer me, as they were too busy with Lays and Coke on Pandu’s bed. I threw my bag on my bed. Mullu came out of bathroom. “There is something stinking here, idiots” I was irritated. Mullu made her baby face “I just took bath, I’m not the culprit”. I stared at her. She hid behind Budhu. “Babba, we also know it but no idea where it is from,” said Budhu “Spare her now”, she saved Mullu from me.  
“You guys are sick! Why don’t you just check it out?” I shouted.  “You better go and take bath” Pandu said without taking her gaze from the book she was reading. I knew everybody was giggling. That made me more furious “ What the hell did you say, you pig?” I struck back. She said “Oh sorry, I did not complete my sentence. I meant, you go and take bath that can soothe your mood. I did not say that you stink, what I was trying to say is by the time you take bath you get used to the foul smell and you know what, smell is something…”
“ENOUGH…” I screamed before she could complete.
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I called up my parents and Teddy and did the routine talk. I went and took bath. I came out; my crazy roommates were waiting for me to go to aunt’s place. I did not find anyone had any problem with the foul smell other than me.  I again pleaded, “Hey guys, pls yaar, I can’t stand the smell”. Budhu said, “We go and have dinner now. We will check it out once we are back. Is that ok dear?”  I said “Ok”
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That was sensible when Babes said that the smell was from the centre room. I was happy that whatever the hell it would be, not in my room. We expected a dead rat or spoilt eatable but nothing we could find in our search. “Oh man, forget it I’m sleepy, I don’t want to do anything other than sleep” Babes left. Then left Disney. Mullu and Pandu were also too tired. I was also fed up with the ‘search idea’. Budhu asked “Nothing is there Elephanto, now will you pls go and sleep” she was scratching her head out of frustration. I did not say anything.  
Budhu was sleeping next to me. She took a long breath “ I want to move out of this place yaar. Look all these, where are we stayi….” She couldn’t complete, as we had to run to Pandu’s room hearing her screaming.  

We rushed to Pandu-Mullu’s room. Mullu was holding their bed sheet in the air and we saw some brown colour stain on it. “What’s that??” Disney asked. Only Pandu had examined it and that was why she was puking out aunt’s nutritious food in washbasin. Mullu was shocked to see that half dried shit on their bed sheet. “Who the heck did not find a toilet here?” she said in a furious voice. I looked at Budhu, Budhu looked at Babes and Babes looked at Disney. Disney yelped, “Why everybody is looking at me as if I did it?” We all burst into laughter except Mullu and Pandu. “ Pandu, you shouldn’t have done it on your own bed sheet” I said. She retaliated “Yeah next time I will ask that cat to do it on your bed sheet, idiot!”. “Cat?” Budhu frowned. “Yeah guys, Gauri told me that she saw dadi chasing a light brown cat this morning” Pandu was almost crying. “Why is it always me?” she again ran to wash basin, as the stench oozed was terrible. Mullu threw the bed sheet and took a new one from the cupboard. Her face was red with anger. She looked at me; I bit my lips and controlled my smile between them.  
Budhu asked “Hey Pandu, you just said it’s always you? so what happened before?” Pandu made a face “I didn’t say anything. Go and sleep now. The show is over”. “But there is something in that arrogance. What happened re Pandu?”, Babes added. Pandu was hesitant but could not find a getaway. She told us the tragic story, “When I was in our home town I used to go to my cousin’s place. She had loads of cats and kittens there. One stupid cat jumped and sat on my lap, as if my lap was its personal property. I thought that was ok and didn’t shoo it away. I started cuddling it and enjoyed it fawning over me. Suddenly man, that dirty creature fart right on my face and jumped off” We got into another round of amusement. “I HATE CATS” she cried out.

 

The pillow fight

Pandu is one great example of how one can be stupid and smart at the same time. She thinks more than what she is required to about anything and everything in the world. The worse part is that she expects her listener too have the same level of think-o-meter. It’s because of this mentality, she makes poppet of herself many a time.
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My night was slumberless (why so rhetorical? Perhaps, the influence of a Bacon essay I just read) okay.. I was not sleepy. Goodnight hung up phone. Unlike me it is easy for him to sleep whenever he wants. But that night he slept quite early. I was snuggling on my bed expecting the blessings of sleep god or goddess (whatever!). 

“Huh? What’s that?” I gulped in fear and  noticed a bundle moving on Budhu’s bed in the shimmering yellow night-light. I lay on my side and watched carefully what’s happening. The bundle was moving again! No..Not that a galavanised jerk but a slow-paced rhythmic movement. “Oh God… that’s Pandu” I was relieved when I saw her toe peeped out of the blanket. “When she got into that bed? and what is she doing inside that dirty blanket?”  I watched her  bollywood drama for another five minutes...which was a good time pass for me.


She slowly but dramatically pulled off that blanket from her face. Her eyes were closed on a smiling face; she took out her right arm and drew a curve in the air. She covered her face partially with her left palm. She was whispering something... no singing something..… oh god she was blushing.. her face pink..she tilted her face and turned her head towards me as if her boyfriend called out her name.. oh yeah...she saw me then....
I couldn’t control my amusement!! I burst into laughter… Okay… this time she realized that I was watching her ‘performance'. She was stupefied. 
 “What the hell are you doing Ma’am?” I asked.
“You pig, you haven’t slept yet?" she retorted. 
 "I was enacting a song with my boyfriend. We were doing Salsa on “Tera hone lagaa hun”
I could not control my laughter. She was looking pale when I woke up Budhu. I could not sniff the potential threat of a pillow fight. She had already thrown one on my back before I could dodge off. Budhu also started laughing when I imitated her “Salsa”

“I thought you would be busy with Goodnight under the blanket”,  she snapped but that was a blow on my head. A chuckleheaded Budhu asked “What do you mean by that, Pandu?”, as I was too paralyzed to ask her anything. I stooped to find a much heavier pillow but she ran away screaming "On phone, I meant, idiot girls!!"

First nightout in Pune

It’s been three and half years I'am in this beautiful city. I have heard a lot about nightout in Pune from many of my friends..something good and something fishy. I was more interested in the fishy part. But never had the balls sorry guts (that’s better literary and factually) to wander around at night. But yeah I made an attempt when I was in college.. my first night out.

My friend invited for a night out and a bike ride all over the city and a movie as bonus. My heart pumped with excitement. I got ready in a minute and was waiting for his phone call.
Oh god, it started as usual! Before taking any decision, my internal souls fight. I don’t know who is right and wrong. But I listen the winner always. My internal personalities were literary wrangling just to rack my brain. Ok, for your convenience we can call them Ms. Good and Ms. Evil. The girls were on full swing! Listen,
Ms. Good: Hey Elephanto, did you ask him where is he taking you?
Ms. Evil: Shit! You don’t have anything to do with it. He is trustworthy.
Ms. Good: oh yeah, he is your boyfriend, so you can trust him blindly
Ms. Evil: No he is not! and you know it. Why are you smothering me?
Ms. Good: Have you asked your dad?
Ms. Evil:   Grow up man!
Ms. Good:  Do you think they will allow you if they come to know?
Ms. Evil:     I’m not doing anything wrong.
Ms. Good: Then why didn’t you ask? This is not good for you.
Ms. Evil:    Iam matured enough to decide what is right and wrong
Ms. Good:  Only bad girls roam around at night. This will create a bad impression. Above all it’s not safe.
Ms. Evil:    Get lost man! I am a bad girl. Is that enough?
Ms. Good:   No… You can’t be a bad girl. You are brought up in a very good family, which trusts you a lot.
Ms. Evil:   F*** o**!…Stop emotional blackmailing. I hate it.
Ms. Good: You won’t enjoy a bit Elephanto. Take my word.
Oh!  Ms.Good kept quiet. So I can go now. I got down. I met him and said hi. I shook hand with him. We reached big bazaar at 8 o’clock. I asked him “when will you drop me back?”  He smiled and said, “Are you scared? I told you this is a night out.” Ms. Evil in my heart was uttering all the bad words that I know in English, Malayalam and Hindi to Ms. Good, as it struck back again with a last warning.
Ms. Good: “What you are doing is wrong. You are not safe. You are not comfortable. You lied to your friends. Go back home!”
Ms. Evil did not get time to retaliate as my friend awakened me from my internal trance.
“You look pale, are you ok?” he asked with popcorn in his hands. “Drop me home right now” that was an order more than a request from me. He looked confused, “Is everything ok?”  “ Not ok. I’m not comfortable. I want to go back” I said. ( I was under the control of Ms. Good) He said, “I never forced you or did anything that can get you upset”. I replied, “That’s why I feel sorry for ruining your night. And please for heaven’s sake don’t call me for a night out ever again”
Without any delay he dropped me back home. He said “sorry, I did not mean it, if you felt anything unusual about my behaviour”. I replied “Never mind. I’m crazy as I have to tame two internal animals at the same time”.  He blinked at me openmouthed. I did not wait for an explanation. “Good night” I could hear him say when I was on stairs.

**************
Ms. Evil: “You screwed up…. you fool . You will never get a chance again. He was a very good friend. You ruined the relationship.. You mad, lousy stupid!!

Ms. Good with a smile: I know Elephanto you are not that bad. You will get the chance if it is meant to you. If the friendship screwed up because of this reason, it is not worth having.
I shouted at both of them…. “Go and sleep now crazy gals”.. I turned the light off and lay down on bed thinking of a nightout which my dad and mom had 24 years ago, when they were asked to move out of the house at midnight with my baby brother.

Mission cleaning Vs Asthma

All pandus were home…a long weekend in hands.. But nobody was in a mood to go out. We six were lazing over Babe’s bed entangled. Sleeping, talking, watching Friends, eating etc are going on turn by turn.

Budhuuuuuuuuuuuuuu………. Suddenly we could feel the vibes of Dadi coming upstairs..

“Stupid girls, once in a blue moon you all will be home. Why don’t you clean your rooms? Look at that basket full of dirty clothes.. If you don’t want, throw them. See what’s this, if you have finished with your hogging, why don’t you throw the wrappers out?  What you have done to my home? I have given you so many cupboards, still I can see your clothes scattered around. You made this a cattle farm (else it is a heaven! Bullshit), what the hell it is!. After her higgledy piggeldy talk she asked Pandu “I want “netens” right now. You understand????”  

Pandu gave her a blank look. She made an innocent face and looked at me as if she didn’t understand anything (Pig, though she does not speak Malayalam, she can very well understand it). Budhu drew a bow with her eyebrows, that’s usual when she is angry. Disney was sound asleep, didn’t hear anything and wouldn’t hear anything even if you burst a nuclear bomb right under her ears. Babes as usual with no expression was sitting like a Sadhu descended from holy Himalayas. Poor Mullu got scared; she was sitting like a rabbit after a wildfire and said, “C’mon guys, let’s clean the mess up. She is right. It’s all dirty here”. To our surprise Pandu jumped and declared her full support. “Look around, how many clothes are lying here and there. Let’s clean everything” Budhu got a shock of her life “See who’s talking. Half of them are yours only!”

I put the last piece of Lays in my mouth and showed my support “How can I help you guys?” Budhu frowned and screamed at me “First you put that empty Lays packet in the trash which you just threw under the cot”. I tried a weird smile and thought how could she notice that. Babes also got up “I’m ready”. We waited for Budhu’s approval (Only she knows what to keep where and how). Finally, she said “OK” giving a tight spank to Disney

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Mission Cleaning 

The pandu battalion started the Mission Cleaning. Dadi castle seemed 1000yrs old with accumulated dust and thick cobwebs. In the drawers we even found profiles and photographs of girls who stayed there long ago. The mission resembled like ‘The Mummy’ movie. We excavated a lot many mummy remains, hieroglyphic manuscripts of CAT, CAD, JAVA, MAT and GRE and much more. I was given the role of Rick O'Connell and supposed to kill termites, cockroaches and even the bigger ruffians like rats (My childhood adventures helped me in this).

 In the mayhem I forgot about the devil inside me, my sibling ‘Asthma’. I started developing symptoms in the evening like coughing and sneezing continuously. But did not take it seriously. After the mission we hogged into the hot maggi, dadi made for us as a reward.

 That was the first time I got asthama in Pune. My symptoms became severe and started choking me when I was taking bath. I could not remember the medicine’s name I used to take. I went downstairs and drank warm water.

I made my bed and saw my pandu friends sleeping so peacefully after a tiresome day. I also tried to sleep but my asthma darling didn’t have any intention to leave me in peace. I did not want to wake pandus up, as I knew they all were tired. But my whole body got into an epileptic act and I lost my breath completely. I could hear asthma buddy blowing its whistle on my windpipe. My poor lungs were struggling and my eyes popped out with tears.. Ooops my body is getting cold.. oh yeah.. I cannot wait any more.. my capacity to hold breath is over.  

“Panduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”. I tried but only air came out. Budhu got up, Disney, then Pandu, Mullu even poor Babes ran to me. I could not talk properly.. Our master brain Pandu understood my plight. She woke up dadi and helped me to make a call to family doctor. He gave me so many instructions and suggested to take inhaler if possible. Pandu called up her dad, who is a veteran in asthma. He told me to drink hot milk with turmeric powder in it. Budhu and Disney started massaging my back till I cried of pain; Mullu and Babes went down to boil milk for me. Pandu was not allowing me to move also, as she made to stick up with the instructions given. “Don’t put your neck down, breath from mouth, don’t sit next to her as you wont get Oxygen” She was going on and on. They made me drink half a litre tamarind milk that too hot.  After half an hour, I felt better.. I started breathing normally. My chest pain also reduced. (What magic they did I don’t know)

I told them to go and sleep that I felt better. But I remember none of them went to their bed. That whole night they were beside me chatting. It was morning 6 o’clock, all pandus were off to sleep ... Babes came near me without waking up others asked me “are you ok?” I said “yeah” I saw her getting ready for office. She had not slept a bit even in the morning. I looked at others sleeping.. ( I am the luckiest person in the world  with so many loving friends.. They are more than friends to me) 

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I was upset that day thinking that I got asthma attack again. I called up my doctor. He reminded me of my allergy to dust and smoke. “Usually I have to take one- two shots of inhaler. But this time I did not have to. I asked him the reason. “What makes asthama worse is the panic you develop with the attack. If you are stressed out, you are even more vulnerable” he said.  But my pandu friends made the situation easy and I was not stressed out, and yeah without medication my asthama was brought down on knees by pandus, the exceptionally smartooos!

The Nutritious Delicious Something

You might have got a titbit of aunt’s food from my previous posts. This post features a lot more about her delicious nutritious stuff.

I went to her place for the first time in my life to have dinner. I was given a warm welcome. She asked my whereabouts including my caste, creed, genus, and DNA structure. (Perhaps, she thought of preparing something exceptionally good that suits to my taste and physical attributes. How sweet!!)

I was given a platter full of boiled rice (in pandu language motta rice) and n’ number of supplements including daal, dahi khadi, carrot and beans, paapad, mango pickle, dahi, tiyal, mashed potato and karela (bitter gourd) fries.  She was ready to provide chapati as well.

I was delighted with her tiyal and the hospitality. I thought for a moment how lucky Iam to be there to have food. All pandus including Tushi, Mullu and Pandu were there. I noticed them staring at my delight with an imaginary question mark popping above their heads.  On the way to home, I started praising about the food. Everybody was silent and did not pass a comment. When we reached dadi castle Tushi frowned at me and said “shut the **** up and first day babba, wait”

We all reached upstairs. All pandus surrounded me and asked in chorus “You have never had food before coming to this place?” Pandu added “I think her taste buds are weak, will be alright in a week’s time”. 

I defended, “ The tiyal was really good”

Pandu  “That’s the only thing she knows to cook properly”

Mullu “Tiyal was a day’s old. Yesterday that tasted even better”

I was feeling bit awkward but said, “That’s ok, but how many dishes were there? Usually a mess does not provide many of them”

Mullu said, “Daal and dahi are everyday’s special”

Pandu added, “Mashed potato had been prepared in the morning for chapati”

Tushi poured oil in the flame “Karela fries and dahi khadi are two days’ old”

Pandu consoled me “Hi buddy, Paapad is specially ‘prepared’ for you”

That was perfect! They all started laughing when I sat as a loser. I could not control my irritation “Carrot and beans was fresh and that was good”. Pandu made an accent with attitude, “Chill maadi”

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Next day morning she had kept chapati and tomato onion mix subzi for me… specially for me.

Food aunt with pride said “I know Momya, you are a veggie and I have prepared egg curry for others and this special curry only for you”. I felt so good and ate that with so much satisfaction.  Meanwhile she was talking about some stupid girls but I was too busy with food and missed out some parts of information in the beginning.

“These girls are really bad (which girls by the way?). They roam around with boys every weekend. They don’t like home food. They don’t know the value of the nutritious delicious food what I cook.  You know what efforts I put to prepare all these as per each one’s taste. Yet they show so much nakras (I didn’t understand the meaning). I get up early in the morning at 4 a. m, boil milk and start cooking.  No one is there to help me. Hamara uncle has to go, hamara jithu has to go and then hamara rashmi has to go… You know I won’t eat anything till all the girls come and have food. You know Pandu did not eat breakfast yesterday and all the chapatis I made went under the drain. (ok, so you are talking about those girls whom Im staying with…..are they really bad?? But I don’t find them bad. Whatever!!) I finished my breakfast and tried to wash my plate. She stopped me saying “ Keep the dish there, my bai will come and wash it”. I said “ok”. She has not stopped her description “I’m very particular about neatness. I again wash all the dishes after bai leaves” I said “bye aunt, im leaving”

I heard her screaming from backyard “Elephanto, close the door when you go. I am going to brush my teeth”. I wondered “Was she talking to me all the time without brushing??, She cooked and tasted all these without brushing?? She is "very" particular about neatness man!!”

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In the evening I reached home and proudly said to all pandus (yes i hid some facts)  “hi gals, food aunt is really sweet. She prepared that tomato curry only for me, as she had cooked non veg for others”. Pandu replied, “She said the same to me also”. I got surprised.

Tushi patted on my shoulders and said “Elephanto, that was not specially made for you, she gave you the gravy without egg” They all burst into laughter. I was dumbstruck “ohmy.... aunt's food... MY FOOT”

Encounters (Part VI) Mr. Attitude

Despite of that hectic rain and tiresome traffic, Teddy and I rushed to the railway station. I thought I would miss my train but for heaven’s sake we reached in time. My B1- 31 lower berth made me a bit unhappy. The thought of insecurity was popping out of my brain. I troubled Teddy to do his “negotiation” with TTR to shift me to upper berth.
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With his white pants and shirt and a black blazer on it, the TTR resembled a penguin roaming with specs and notebook. We submitted our grievance to the TTR almighty. Keeping the standard arrogance of a public servant in voice, he told us to ask those who are coming in.
We waited for those people who are coming to share the compartment with me. Our eyes were busy looking for “those people” among the crowd. I had a secret prayer that “those people” should be a family.
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A man in black with specs got in with some luggage. Teddy asked him politely with all his managerial skills “See, my friend is travelling alone. But unfortunately she has got lower berth. Can you pls adjust down and give her the upper berth?”
The man in black responded, “No”. I looked at Teddy annoyed. Teddy winked at me to keep quiet. He again pleaded, “Only this night you have to adjust and you know, it would be difficult for a girl to sleep down safely”. The man in black replied “Sorry”. This time I lost my control, I said, “See man, I am a girl traveling all alone, can’t you adjust for one night?” The man in black coldly with full attitude said “Even we have ladies with us”. Then I saw his entire family, a girl (probably his sister), aunt (his mom), a tall uncle (for sure his dad), short uncle (can be another co passenger) and an old lady (grandma) getting in. Seeing his dad I elbowed Teddy. Teddy got alert! He asked that tall uncle “Sir, she is traveling alone, can you give her upper berth?”  ofcourse, I added a little sentiments, “It would be difficult for grandma to climb up, so I can shift to upper berth and she can sleep on mine” Uncle smiled at our confusion or what I don’t know. He said “ok..not a problem”. I just threw my bag on the upper berth and we both ran out before he could change his decision. Teddy bought a bottle of water for me and bid a bye with instructions given below

1. Don’t eat or drink from strangers (I ate only sweets and drank Pepsi from others)
2. Don’t come and stand near the door (I spent only 5 hours there)
3. Don’t get down unless it is necessary (no, I didn’t do that)
4. Don’t talk too much (Talking who?? me?? I know only the people who travelled in my compartment and the other two compartments adjacent to mine)
5. Don’t reveal any information about you to anyone (No, I just gave my address and phone number)
6. Don’t get your mobile battery discharged listening songs (It got discharged. Not my fault)
7. That boy looks good. Don’t flirt with him (This one was the funniest. Well, I did)

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I returned to the compartment. I looked at everyone. Only Tall uncle smiled. I looked at the Man in black with a little irritation in my mind. He was looking like a bit of mentally retarded with his three-fourth and T-shirt. The frame of his specs was purple in colour (isn’t it girlish?). He had got short spikes. (What a combo?  a geek in yo yo style?? He was listening to songs with a ‘care- a-damn’ attitude. Whatever.. i pretend im not bothered.

The girl (sister) was sitting next to him. She was fiddling with her UNO cards but seemed a little gloomy. I tried talking to her.. no way.. She cared a shit!. I went up and slept…
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The next day morning! There was nothing special. I was totally into my books. I finished one and took another “Agatha Christie’s ‘A murder is announced’. Oh my god I stopped it in the beginning itself. It was so boring. I got down and sat there for a while. Short uncle started talking to me. He asked my whereabouts and I found it interesting to talk to him. After sometime, with aunt (his mom) also I got into a conversation. Pointing Mr. Attitude, she started “ He doesn’t like home food much. He fools around with his friends all over Pune. He comes to Camp (where my office was) also. He is doing his final year engineering” and she went on and on. I could see Mr. Attitude getting a little uneasy about it. He walked off! I don’t know why but I was not mad at him anymore. Was just checking out what he was doing. He was like a fish out of water. So restless! He kept going out and coming back. And once he stood right in front of his grandma. He was such a giant in front of that poor old lady. She screamed, “You go from here, I’m sacred when you come near me as you may hurt me”. I giggled. Suddenly he turned to me and I looked out of my window controlling my amusement. He was so offended and he said, “I’m not doing anything. I’m just standing here”
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Afternoon: I got along with all of them except Mr. Attitude. I got two more kidos from the other compartment and we started playing UNO. Some of us are not quite familiar with the game. One kido got so irritated when he lost the game and Mr. Attitude reached for his help. Kido started winning all the games with Mr. Attitude. After sometime kido left and we exchanged our plac as Mr. Attitude came to my place and I went to where he was sitting. He played satisfactorily but could not accomplish first place later on. He started cursing my place. I got to know more about the game and started playing well. Bloody hell, he was always a challenge for me. Even if he finished with his cards, he would accurately guess and say it loud which card was there in my hands to help others. I felt like kicking him.

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Night: Slowly we started talking, teasing and betting. I had dinner with his family (he paid for it). I could not see a tinge of attitude in him that time or ever since. He even made that kido call me “Mandi” which means fool in Malayalam. I named him pandu, the copyrighted name for those who are unique.

We made our bunk- bed to sleep but could not find our blankets. He went to the assistant and got only five blankets. (Pig he did not get one for me) but offered me his (tried to impress??) I refused it because I didn't have any intention to sleep. I got down and started my notangi. I tried to record Short uncle snoring on my mobile. That was fun. But this pandu spoilt it. He was not sleeping. He asked me “what the hell are you doing?” I winked at him. He smiled and asked “you are not sleeping?” I said “no”. “Go and sleep now, you have to get up in the morning” he forced. I got on my bed and tried to sleep… but my phone rang on top of its voice “I’m in your lower left jacket pocket…..” it was him.. I looked at him puzzled.

I had not called Teddy since there was no coverage. I called him up and reminded him to wake me up. By the time I hung up, this pandu was not there. I stepped down and got to see him at the door.
I can say our friendship started there.. We talked till I got down at Thrissur. It's easier to say what we haven't talked that night.. our subjects were more of childhood, relationship, friends, parents and future .. we chatted as if we were some lost friends met after 50 years. I missed him on the way from station to home. Didn’t expect that I would meet this Goodnight pandu ever in my life again!
Thanks to Purna Express B1-31 Lower Berth